The Bullet Point Blog Post

I read an interesting article recently about how the art of prosaic communication is giving way to the trendy juggernaut of list making. The author writes,

In the not too distant future, all human interactions, written or otherwise, might well be conducted in the form of lists—for ease of assimilation, for catchiness, for optimal snap. I imagined myself, some decades from now, nervously perched on the papered leatherette of an examination bed, and my doctor directing her sad, humane eyes at me a moment before clearing her throat and saying, “Top Five Signs You Probably Have Pancreatic Cancer.”

Today, friends, all I have for you is a list. We are scrambling to finish unpacking and nesting, clamoring to make new friends in a new city, and scouring the city for fancy restaurants, crowded shops with precious, breakable things, and other quiet spaces we won’t inhabit for the considerable future. And in so doing, your plucky correspondent has gone silent and needs to fill you in on a few details.

1. Bean is growing like a champ. We had an ultrasound a few weeks ago, and she measured 4 days ahead. She’s a very active baby, especially in the early morning and late evening.  She loves the accordion. She is a fan of Patty Griffin, Beirut, Andrew Bird, and not too keen on My Morning Jacket. She likes ice cream and brownies. She is neutral on brussels sprouts and cauliflower.

2. R is the cutest prego ever. Hands down. Here is a  glimpse of her magnificent form.

Belly shot

3. We were given another lovely baby shower. I will post photos soon. Sadly, I took only two! I was so busy talking with folks that I forgot to take pictures. I’ll try to paint a picture with words. R’s aunts and cousins hosted along with a family friend. The party was at our cousin’s house, a large, brightly painted Victorian with a wrap around porch. We walked up to the house and found white paper lanterns strung over long wooden tables topped with flowers. It was so festive and sweet. There was a ton of wonderful food, enjoyed by dozens of wonderful people. Our friends and family were so generous and thoughtful. We opened gifts for an hour and a half.  We were honored and humbled to have so many loving people there to celebrate our baby girl.

4. We have a new doctor, for the fourth time in this pregnancy. We are fast becoming OB/GYN connoisseurs. We really liked Dr. K, but getting to her office and finding parking was stressful, and we weren’t able to preregister and tour the labor and delivery unit at the hospital where she delivers because it was consistently overbooked and understaffed, which really didn’t bode well. So, we decided to change providers at 35 weeks. It was a small ordeal but on Friday we met our new doctor and she was great. Parking, scheduling, preregistering were a cinch and we all feel a lot better.

5. I am still grappling with grief over our Peanut, and thinking of ways to bring a little resolution to it. I don’t expect it to go away, but I hope to gain some closure after the delivery. We are planning to bring  Peanut’s body and both placentas home from the hospital, and bury them together at my mother in law’s place, where there is a lot of land and plenty of room for a new tree to grow. My cousin sent a list of native trees we could choose, and it’s nice to think about the type of tree that suits Peanut.

6. The nursery is coming together. It’s been so fun to put it all together, and to add in hand-me-downs and homemade gifts. It makes me so happy to look in her room and imagine her playing there.

7. We met with our new Indiana attorney and were pretty bummed to learn we won’t be able to claim the $13,000 adoption tax credit we’d been counting on. Note to gayby makers everywhere: if you live in a state that allows second-parent adoptions and you plan to petition for it, you might want to delay getting legally married until after the adoption is finalized. If you get legally married before the adoption, the IRS will treat it as a step-parent adoption (which are ineligible for the adoption tax credit) because the IRS recognizes same-sex marriages from any state even if it’s not the parents’ current state of residence. I’m thinking about visiting the IRS taxpayer advocate service…will let you know how that shakes out.

That’s all the news that’s fit to print in list form. Next on the docket: pictures of my favorite baby things!


3 responses to “The Bullet Point Blog Post

  1. hello,
    love the sweet photo.

    it is indeed a special beautiful time this period pre birth.

    in addition to fancy restaurants, visiting crowded shops with precious things, etc. may i suggest : sleep sleep sleep – i should write in caps (full nights are rare with a new baby…).

    our baby girl loves patti griffin too. on nights when she’s been unsettled, we’ve turned to pg played low at 2 am and it’s calmed her (and us). i would advocate patti g over let baby cry methods.

    sorry for what you are going through regarding legally claiming your baby girl. most of the places where i’ve lived (and live) are much farther behind on lgbt rights. but i understand your anger at what is clearly unjust. hope your voice is heard.


  2. -So glad to hear the Bean is doing well, and that you’re settling into your new digs. It must be a huge relief to have a provider you like (and who actually has time for you….)
    -I had heard a rumor about not being able to claim the tax credit after DOMA went down. Disappointed to hear it’s true (especially since we went and got married…). It’s obnoxious enough to have to adopt one’s own child, but to have to pay thousands of dollars for the privilege is infuriating.
    -Thinking of you guys and Peanut and it sounds like you have a lovely plan for honoring her.

    • I love that your reply has bullet points! 🙂

      Yes, sorry to hear you guys are in the same boat post DoMA. I just started filling out the forms for the adoption and it’s so humiliating.

      One question was: “What experiences or background do you have that you think will help you parent the child you are adopting?”

      My first reply was “I’m her mother.”

      Then I decided I better not be too snarky.

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