Suspense

The second half of the two week wait is always the hardest. It’s the time when we both start to dampen our hopes with the intent of softening the blow of a negative outcome. This time of the month–and this time of our lives, more generally–is full of suspense. We are long on questions and short on answers, which seems somewhat unusual in the era of smart phones and Google searches. It’s an uncomfortable place to be, but I’m learning to thrive in it. I’m starting to make peace with uncertainty, which I suppose is a good thing after 32 years of fighting it. This past week I’ve felt strangely calm about the major unknowables in my life right now, which include a month long trip to Africa for which I may or may not be departing on Wednesday. My newfound zen state has left me wondering (aloud, to my Chair, apparently) whether my lack of stress indicates I’m forgetting something really, really important. She said, “No, you’ve just planned well.” I hope so!

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