I’ve been meaning to write for several days, but struggling to do it because I’m weighed down by the sense that each month I’m just writing different iterations of the same two or three posts. If that is how it seems to you, then I guess I’m doing my “job” well, because I’m accurately conveying the cyclic nature of this beast.
Last Friday we went to the RE’s office for an ultrasound and learned that R responded really well to the Follistim injections. So well, in fact, that Dr. T had us stop the drug two days sooner than we expected. On Saturday we began the race to coordinate inseminations and by Tuesday the insanity was over and the waiting began. The waiting is hard. We want so much to be hopeful but after so many disappointments we are both pretty guarded with our optimism. A year and a half ago, I would have passed the time by calculating R’s due date and making lists of baby names. Now I try focus on the present and keep my hope and my joy anchored here, now. It’s strange to be guarded and hopeful at the same time, but it works.
This month’s talismans are a sweet card from my mom and a candle I lit for us and for friends also walking this journey with us.