The last 72 hours have been fast and furious, my friends. After struggling to coordinate the schedules and predilections of the three principal actors, their attorneys, two medical clinics, two pharmacies, and one airline we arrived to California by the skin of our teeth. I am tucked into the bay window of our cousin’s apartment, surrounded by the quiet of a sleeping household and the rhythmic ticking of a clock. The stillness of this night is a welcome respite from the week’s frenzy.
On Wednesday afternoon we finally received all the KD’s lab reports and were able to move forward with the legal steps we have to take to ensure that R and I are considered Bean’s sole legal parents. This involves one contract outlining each party’s intent–our intent to co-parent, KD’s intent to assist us in conceiving but to have no legal rights or responsibilities to Bean–and another in which KD agrees to forfeit his right to notification of the adoption proceedings when I petition the court to allow me to formally adopt Bean.
Legal contracts are scary, especially when the other party’s attorney drafted them. So when the KD and his attorney reviewed the contracts on Friday afternoon, things started to unravel. His attorney contacted ours and said he wanted significant changes to the agreements, and she didn’t think the details could be ironed out in time for insemination this month. We were crushed. We knew our timeline was tight, and that so many things had to line up perfectly for us to get all the medical and legal leg work completed in two weeks but I guess we were so certain that we could get everything finished in time that we didn’t allow room for realism and the legal snags caught us totally off-guard. After talking with our attorney late in the evening on Friday, we cancelled our plane tickets and drank a good bottle of wine. We sent the KD a message saying we’d cancelled the tickets and that we’d talk after the holiday weekend. He wrote back and suggested we talk things through on Saturday morning.
I think that on Friday I was reeling from the combined impact of 15 months of trying to conceive and feeling totally out of control and dependent on so many other people to help us. The KDs concerns about what the contracts meant for him stood in front of me like a big brick wall and I was just tired of climbing. The next morning did not bring a fresh perspective, and I must have sounded downright morose on the phone, but after a few minutes of talking I think the three of us were reassured of the mutuality of our interests. We agreed to collaboratively edit the agreements and then re-involve the attorneys to finalize them on Monday or Tuesday. With that in mind, none of us could see any reason to skip this cycle, especially since R had taken Clomid. So, at 11 am I called the airline to ask if there was any chance we could rebook the 1:50 pm flight I had cancelled the night before. I think the Alaska Airlines representative was a little unnerved by my tearful request, and after a brief hold she cheerily announced that she had rebooked the reservation at no cost.
We arrived here yesterday in time for a New Year’s Eve party with two of our favorite people. As we watched the midnight fireworks light up the cityscape, I told R that this will make a great story for Bean some day.
Here’s to a great beginning!