It’s T minus six around here, also known as week two of the TWW. The last week has taken some unexpected turns. Before delving into the details, I just want to say that I never could have imagined devoting so much time to…sperm. I mean, I’ve spent the better part of a year tracking it down, comparing its producers and sellers, studying the conditions under which it works the best, and shelling out a lot of money for it. I was even something of a sperm dealer for a day (more on that later). I hope you appreciate the irony in my new found relationship with sperm. I do.
So, as you may recall, R and I decided to give this project 3 more tries, using an anonymous donor from a local cryobank. We picked a new donor again after last month’s sold out. PD5 is really tall and apparently has fine features like me. He’s studying a social science, and sounds sporty. He’s willing to be identified when the Bean turns 18, and that gives us some peace of mind. We bought 4 vials (for the price of 3!) and called it a done deal. But then we heard back from our KD, and we were thrown back in the blender of questions, logistics, and emotions.
The KD is willing to travel to us, or have us travel to him, and he’s available and ready to complete all the necessary legal and medical procedures next week. After five failed IUIs, the laws of probability–which are geometrically distributed in this case, I recently learned–are stacked against us. We are navigating the uncomfortable territory between hopeful optimism and scientific realism. Using a KD is not risk-free, but we feel that it might be more effective and easier on Bean, psychologically. She wouldn’t have dozens of genetic half-siblings and she could know a bit more about her donor, which would perhaps ease some anxiety about her biological origins.
I don’t typically believe in fate or preordination. But I can’t help but wonder why, after we’d come to a decision and made peace with it, this other option bubbled back up to the surface. For now, we’re just waiting. Ruminating and waiting.