Love and Loss

I like to read David Brooks’ column in the New York Times. He’s the conservative I love to love. He recently asked readers aged 70 and older to write “life reports” in which they evaluate their lives. I read Life Reports, Part 2 yesterday, and took note that in Brooks’ analysis of lessons learned, he advised readers to “lean toward risk” because seniors regretted the risks they didn’t take more than the risks they did. That admonition is rollicking around in the recesses of my mind, and makes an odd playmate with Alicia’s story which has been lodged there, too.

I “met” Alicia through my friend Sue, who I used to call “my mom’s friend, Sue,” but now I claim her as my own. Alicia is a wonderful blogger. She’s introspective, creative, and warm. She captures her world through photos and words and shares it freely with strangers, and those strangers followed her journey to parenthood all the way from Oregon to Chicago. I can’t tell the story as beautifully or carefully as Alicia does, and it’s her story, after all, so you should hear it from her.

After a great deal of thought and discussion, R and I can see the end of this particular path to parenthood. We’ve decided to give it three more tries (or maybe four, since we got the fall special and all). We have a finite number of vials from our last PD. No more sorting through donor lists online. No more last minute coin flips. No more. If we still have no Bean at the end of three more cycles, we’re going to take a vacation to grieve her, and then we’re going to begin the next leg of our journey–one that’s admittedly more difficult and certainly leaning toward risk.

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