A lot of folks have been asking how we are going about our search for what’s known in the ART world as a KD (Kind Donor). The KD monikor generally implies that the donor and recipient know one another in some way, although some couples/women meet a KD via message boards and listservs specifically for this purpose. I find the prospect of using a ‘free sperm’ message board a little offputting, so we’ve asked a few friends and family members to distribute the following letter to someone they think might be willing to be our donor. So far, we haven’t found anyone but we are still hopeful that someone will read our letter (posted here) and seriously consider the request.
Dear Potential Donor,
This is the most awkward letter I’ve ever written in my entire life, and it may very well be the strangest letter you’ve ever received in your entire life. So, we have something in common already. My partner and I are a stable, loving couple who have reached the precipice of our early thirties, and we’ve decided to turn in the keys to freedom and plunge into the unpredictable waters of parenthood. It’s not a decision we’ve made lightly, and we’ve spent a great deal of time over the past several years thinking and talking about how and why we want to parent. In short, we feel like we have the time, energy, love, and hardiness that parenting requires, and we want to nurture another human being and watch him/her experience the world as we have.
We’ve considered a variety of paths to parenthood, and decided to try to have a biological child, since adoption is cost prohibitive and legally complex for us as a same sex couple. We have been trying to conceive for the past year using a sperm bank. After a year of trying this approach, we are no closer to our dream of starting a family. More importantly, we’ve recently learned that some sperm donors have produced more than 150 offspring, and we are concerned about how our child will feel about having scores of genetic half-siblings. We would like to opt out of the whole freewheeling fertility marketplace and instead find a willing donor among our family/friends’ extended networks. We are looking for a smart, healthy, kind hearted person who is willing to be our sperm donor and committed to completing the legal processes that will make us the legal parents of the child. We would be open to a range of possible relationships between our family and the donor, from no contact at all to some regular communication if that works for everyone involved. We know it’s a lot to ask, and there’s not much in it for the donor other than knowing he helped us create a family. And of course, when our amazing child saves the entire world from the brink of despair, we’ll have him to thank as well.
If you might be willing to consider being our sperm donor, please contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org. We are happy to answer any questions, and discuss the fine print.