I would like to point out that when we first began this TTC journey last July, I asked our OB/GYN what sort of tests we needed before selecting a donor. It seemed prudent to check R’s blood type and CMV status, to prevent unnecessary complications for her and for Bean. Dr. L giggled at my earnest questions and said we could relax–no need for extensive pre-AI testing because most people don’t know this sort of information about their partners/spouses. I tried to relax about things and trust the expert. Well, the expert was wrong-o dong-o, according to our RE. Dr. S took time out of her busy day to alert us that R is CMV-, which means we should have a CMV- donor. Is PD#2 CMV-? Of course not! That would be too simple! So, instead of cleaning data today, I’m picking PD #3 (insert tearing of hair, gnashing of teeth).
The good news is that I was able to cancel our order of man in a can, which was to be shipped to us tomorrow. The bad news is that our cryobank just updated its website (and its prices) and removed the donor essays so now all I can see about potential donors is a physical description, a few short words that describe their hobbies, and a staff description. I mean, this is just not enough information for me. I don’t care if PD #3 likes to canoe. I care whether he can put together a sentence in recognizable form. I care about his (self-reported and obviously a little biased) reason for donating. I am terrified of accidentally selecting the donor who whose essay expressed his keen desire to “spread [his] seed.” Ew. Pass.
So now I’m back to considering donors from the sleek (and doubly expensive) Fairfax Cryobank, where I can read about my donor’s funniest moments, most admired characteristics, approach to life, and what he would like to pass on to his own children some day. I can also read staff descriptions of his winsome smile, tousled hair, and svelte physique–no nerdy, NPR-listening Jewish guys like PD #2 at Fairfax Cryobank. What’s a girl to do?
The clock is ticking. We have the HSG tomorrow, and provided that it shows patent tubes, we are supposed to have the IUI on Wednesday before flying to New York. I know that a rational person would probably browse the sperm catalogs for another month and then resume TTC in July. I am not rational. Nor can I bear another hour of browsing sperm donor descriptions.
I’m thinking of making a shirt that says “Got jizz?” and wearing it around University’s campus. The first guy to offer is a winner in my book!
Secret decoder ring:
AI: artificial insemination
CMV: cytomegalovirus (not something you want)
HSG: hysterosalpingogram (also not something you want!)
IUI: intra-uterine insemination
NPR: national public radio
PD: Perfect Donor (we’re now searching for lucky #3; #1 and #2 were not so perfect, after all)
RE: reproductive endocrinologist
TTC: you should know that by now!